April Update

Spring 2022 is off to an excellent start. I really feel as if I am coming out of hibernation in a lot of ways; the most significant way is that this past year I was able to truly be more authentic that I have been in decades — maybe ever. I’ve been standing in my truth, speaking what I believe, and showing my real self even to people in my community. I feel very free.

This spring is meaningful. Firstly, we used some our refund to continue working on our garage-gym space. Finally! We began the project last summer but only got as far as cleaning it out before we ran out of funds. Currently, I am in the process of sealing and painting the space. I purchased some equipment and also some inspirational decor. Also, an air purifier and dehumidifier. We got materials to build a wall and door, and to finish the ceiling. That may be the extent of our funds for this season, but working on the space is exciting!

Phase 2 is coming along

We have been meeting our goal of going to the gym at least twice a week while we work on our home gym. I have been reaching or exceeding my 5-day-a-week workout goals every week. Posing on social media has helped to keep me motivated (FOLLOW ME @moonbodiesjournal and on Facebook).

The Year of Radical Self Care

Most people, I think, require deep rest. If you are part of this capitalist society then you may be aware that rest is not an easily-procured thing. Oftentimes rest is considered weakness. This is true for both men and women but in some different ways.

I, like most moms with a career, have not had opportunities for rest and have had to carve time out for self-care. Once that puzzle was figured out (and it takes some trial and error), a more complicated problem emerges: how to allow that care to emerge, how to accept it.

Found a few minutes in the day to spend on caring for your needs? Figured out what to do to take care of yourself? Now the problem — how do you accept that care?

Seems like a problem fraught in privledge, and it is. It is also one grounded in the internalization of cultural ideals about women and mothers. It is also a problem of capitalism, standardized educational practices, marginalization, and stigmas about mental health, to only name a few that pop off in my mind when I think about why it has been so difficult for me to accept my plan of self-care.

Seems like a problem fraught in privledge, and it is. It is also one grounded in the internalization of cultural ideals about women and mothers. It is also a problem of capitalism, standardized educational practices, marginalization, and stigmas about mental health, to only name a few that pop off in my mind when I think about why it has been so difficult for me to accept my plan of self-care.

Here’s my confession: as soon as I sent out my resignation letters, I began what has turned into a month of frantic searching for another job. My mind cannot stop probing into what I am going to do.

Now, my husband is on board and vowed to support me financially for the next year as I supported him financially during the first two years of our relationship. He wants me to take this time, as he did, to explore and find enjoyment in my career again.

I have many questions: what are my passions now? What brings me a sense of vitality and grounding? Where is my heart? What does self-care look like in my 40s?

Anyone would be lucky to have this opportunity.

I am also taking this year of radical self-care to prepare for adoption from foster care, a process into which we are about one year.

Sounds great, right? How wonderful to have alotted this time and space for such magickal work!

But I am struggling to allow myself this space! I have an interview lined up next week and I only JUST posted grades for my last class three days ago. The panic is REALLY REAL for me, yet I am not completley sure what I am panicked about. It’s a nameless dread…always.

Wellness Diary: Week 8, Day 1

WeightBody FatBMIHipsWaistBustThigh
140.227.4%2438.532.23821
I continue to not lose or gain any weight. I remain around the heaviest weight I have been in my life.
MovementDurationBurn
 Spinning 30 251
I did not want to workout today, as it is my “day off,” but I got on the bike first thin in the morning and spun those wheels for 30 minutes.
Calorie GoalCaloriesOther Nutrition Goals
 1200-1300 1244 No sugar
I had some alcohol today and I also had sugar while I wrapped gifts.
Self-Care, Parenting, Stress, Joy, Balance, Writing
Writing and Gaming
I really lose myself in my writing today. It was wonderful! I wrote a lot of my book and also did some other related writing.

Week 5, Days 2-5

This week was a mess in terms of getting in time to reflect, breathe, or sit down to write a blog post. Somehow, even with my quadriceps injury continuing to heal, I managed to get in some movement almost every day. The week was full of moments in which I had to “pop the hood” and examine/identify my emotions so that I could make a more conscious choice to overeat or not.

Tuesday

Tuesday I went for a walk in the forest for 30 minutes and burned 184 calories. The weather was beautiful and I spent some time at the beach with my daughter enjoying the sun.

I had an excellent day nutritionally, eating well and mindfully and even coming in a little bit under my calorie goal.

Wednesday

Wednesday was a rough one emotionally, as my daughter had a lot of struggles that affected me. I did some self-care with 45 minutes of yoga (127 burn) and then I did my Irish step dance class for 60 minutes with a burn of 316. I had so much fun and even though I could not lift my heels as high because of my injury, I loved it.

Nutritionally the day was great and again I came in a little bit under my range.

Thursday

On Thursday I wanted to give my quadricip a rest so I did BodyPump upper body only, for 26 minutes with 127 burn. I picked up Pho takeout and was still able to stay only a tiny bit above my calorie range. I was happy about that.

Friday

On Friday, the day really got away from me. I did not make one entry in my food journal, but I believe that I stayed within a healthy range despite that. I began the day with some BodyCombat for 28 minutes with a 218 burn. It was a fun workout.

Overall, I did not expect much from this week but ended up doing better than I expected although not as great as would be ideal for me.

Week 5, Day 1

Well, I have had a revelation that I have reached a low place at which I feel there is an opportunity for growth and for learning. I made a post earlier today titled ” Food and Other Addictions” that explains this.

Every Sunday when my daughter leaves to go with her father, I spiral out of control with my eating. Obviously it is related to my emotional relationship to food.

I no longer wish to have this relationship.

I seek something healthier and more functional in my life. Of course, I realize that this takes a lot of time and that I have already spent more than 25 years on working through my food addiction/emotional associations. But the work is never done, and when the cycles repeat, there is an opportunity to reach higher and learn more.

Movement ActivityDurationBurnNotes
Spinning
Weights
 10
10
50
59
 
I really craved spinning today on the bike; I wanted to listen to some motivational music and just cruise. However, because my quadriceps is still healing, I was not sure if I would be able to ride. I stayed in the seat the entire time and kept the resistance low to moderate, and pace moderate. However, right around the 10 minute mark I began to feel an uncomfortable tightening in my quad, so I stopped immediately. I finished up with some weights, doing upright rows, clean and press, dead lifts, and biceps curls with my 30 lbs barbell, and then some floor work with crunhes and a couple leg lifts (to see how my quad would handle that — it felt good).
Calorie GoalCaloriesNotes
 1200-1300  
I have experienced several days of binge eating, and this prompted me to realize that I do not want this for myself. I am being triggered more frequently to overeat and this is most likely because I am not addressing some uncomfortable feelings and I am not honoring my wellness journey. I need to look deeper and connect more with my needs at this time. Today, however, I did well resetting and reminding myself that I can treat my body well.
Daily Self CareNotes
Facial Waxing
Facial Moisturizing
Yoga Nidra
Journaling
Gaming
 
I was more conscious of little acts I could do today in order to honor myself. Not having to meet my parental duties today, of course, provides more space for that but I am hoping that with more practice I can integrate more self care into every day of the week.
Bowel MovementNotes
 1 
I had a bowel movement this morning that was substantial. I am trying to stay hydrated, as usual, but not really ever reaching that goal — not by a long shot. Today I drank about 30 oz of water.
GoalsMini Goals
Reach 125 poundsLose .5-1 pound per week
Be more present with parentingMake mental and emotional space, spend quality time
Manage stress betterUse meditation and affirmations; feel feelings
Balance work/play/family lifeDo all things, every day, rather than bingeing
Feel more joyDiscover new passions and feed established interests
My present weight loss goal is to reach 137 pounds. I think that is realistic and I like taking larger goals and breaking them down. Today I managed stress better than I have in a long time. I had a lot of balance today between work, self care, and personal time.